You know, things weren't always the way they are today. If you ask someone who knew me
way back when, they would tell you that I am completely different now than I was then. My life has taken a total transformation in only a few short years.
My story began as the 5th daughter. Talk about spoiled!! I'll admit it, I was the baby, the princess, the
spoiled brat! Growing up with 4 older sisters was awesome. They treated me like I was a little baby doll. They always did so many things with me and gave me anything that I wanted. And if they didn't, I would kick and scream until I got it!!
People would say that the Masser's were the
picture perfect family. We did things together, and went to Church every Sunday. Some people would say that our family
walked the walk. We did the routine. We went through the motions. We were
I will tell you, though, things weren't always
picture perfect. I remember argument after argument between my mom and dad that ended in divorce. At 11 years of age, divorce was hard. I didn't understand why my mom and dad didn't want to be together anymore.
Why in the world aren't we doing family things anymore? Why don't my mom and dad live together anymore?
As a little girl, I remember spending a lot of time with my grandparents. Both of which are Christians. I remember having to go to church with them all of the time. This was something that I WANTED to do. I always had a desire to go to church and learn about God. But when I would go home to my mom's house, everything I learned would be left on the front porch. It was like living a double life.
Things started getting worse and worse. I was living with my mom, who was an active alcoholic. My sisters were off to college, and I was there, just left to deal with whether my mom would wake up the next day or not. My dad was always trying to make things better for me, but I didn't want anything to do with that. I just wanted to rebel and be just like my mom. I wanted to have fun and live the
good life! I was always bouncing back in forth between houses. I would tell my dad that I wanted to stay with him, and then I would get mad and go back with my mom. Typical rebellion.
On one hand, I was being a good student, playing soccer and cheering, being a typical
good kid. On the other hand, I was always sneaking around, and doing things that I shouldn't be doing. Living my life as a lie. I would tell my parents one thing, and then be off doing another thing. Lying, smoking, drinking, dating an abusive guy… trying things that I never should have tried. ALL before I was even 16 years old. My life was spiraling out of control.
I still remember going to my grandparents houses and spending time with them during all of this. I remember always feeling guilty, feeling wrong, feeling
not right. But I know that they did not care about what I was doing in my free time, because they loved me no matter what! They were showing me the Love that GOD had for me. Showing me, that no matter what the sin, that I would be forgiven.
At 17, I found out I was pregnant. I was still a baby, and having a baby of my own. What in the world was I thinking? I remember saying,
Why me? At that age, you don't think that anything like that will happen to you. You think you are invincible. WRONG!
Through the whole pregnancy, Ashtyn's dad was there. We were happy, and we were excited that we were going to be bringing a child into this world. I graduated high school a year early, and worked so that I could save money for my newborn! I remember finding myself at my Grandpa Masser's church a lot during my pregnancy… trying to find answers. I lost relationships with a lot of my family though. They didn't understand why I was staying with an abusive boyfriend and why i decided to have a baby with him. I remember telling them:
It doesn't matter what you say, I love him, and we are going to be a family.
Having Ashtyn was a turning point in my life. I was finally grasping that I needed to grow up. As soon as I had this baby, I remember thinking,
Wow, this is my responsibility now. This baby NEEDS me! My motherly instincts were quick to set in. I always put Ashtyn's needs first. His dad, however, was not so quick to change. Still being abusive, and still doing things that you should not do as a parent. Needless to say, I decided I wanted to stay with him. I wanted to give him,
One more chance We bought a house together. I was 18 years old, and bought a house. Something is wrong with that. Only a few months later, and I didn't live in that house anymore. I was at my limit. I couldn't take the abuse anymore, and I needed out.
I got on my feet pretty fast. I was an 18 year old single mom. I was working, going to college, and taking care of my precious Ashtyn. Life was hard. After a year, I decided it was best for me to move away. I decided that I needed to separate myself from the place where so many bad things happened. (Little did I know, that this was all the work of God… he had this all planned out).
I was so excited, I was moving! I found a daycare for Ashtyn, an apartment for us to live in, but, I was jobless. I was getting help, but I felt horrible, because I wasn't the one taking care of my baby. After a few months, I found a job at the Children's Hospital. I was working 3rd shift 7pm to 7am, going to school from 8 am to 5 pm and then taking care of Ashtyn after that. Let's just say, I was depressed. I was beyond unhappy. I had no idea why I decided to move away from my family. I felt Lost. Confused. Stupid. I just kept thinking to myself,
Why does God hate me SO much? Why can't I just catch a break?
God was just preparing me for what he already had planned for me!
In December of 2008, I got into a horrible car accident. Me and my little baby were driving on I-75 and lost control on an icy night. We spun across the median and were hit by a semi truck that was coming from the opposite direction. Ashtyn slept through the entire thing, and was completely unharmed. I had a banged up knee and a bruised nose. THAT'S IT!! Now, tell me that that wasn't a GOD THING!! My car was completely totaled and we walked away completely unharmed!
After my accident, I was ready to quit being stupid and start being even more responsible. I quit my job at the hospital, and focused solely on getting my degree so that I could support my son. Having this accident opened my eyes. Why was I just living life and acting like I was untouchable? I kept thinking, God wants me on this earth for a reason, and I need to find out what that is.
As the years went by, I never really thought about being "saved." I just knew that I was praying, and that was all that mattered. I was trying my hardest to be the best mom, student and provider. I was trying to be super woman! I had no idea what I was doing.
In May of 2009, my friend told me about this job that was on campus that didn't take much time, and I would be able to do my homework while there. So, I got a little 15 hour a week job on campus. There were always so many students coming in and out of this office. But I just couldn't keep my eyes of this one… He was tall, dark and handsome… and I felt like I was in love!! For the next 7 months, I stalked this guy on facebook and twitter… I was determined to get him to notice me. I wanted him to like me! The thing was, he was a master's student and I was an undergraduate. I thought,
there is no way in this world he would even think about dating a person like me. I have a baby, I'm a single mom, he is HOT, he is WAY out of my league. I figured I had no chance at all. Then, I noticed that he was a Christian, and I was hooked. I said to myself,
I will not back down, I will get him to notice me!
I guess my tactics worked! On December 21, 2009, I was chatting with him on Facebook, and he was talking about eating cereal with Eggnog… eww! So, I was bold and said, why don't you ditch that nasty stuff and meet me at BW3's? Guess what...he said YES!! We met at BW3's and had a great dinner together (The 3 of us) It was so amazing. We immediately became inseparable. The next 2 weeks, we did EVERYTHING together.
January 2nd, Orville invited me to New Life Chapel..and that was the first time I had been to church in YEARS! I was nervous, I was scared, I was excited! It had been entirely too long since I had been in God's house. But I went. And, on that day, my life was forever changed! I prayed the sinners prayer… I asked for forgiveness, and asked Jesus to be in my life!
I WAS SAVED!!
In March I got baptized, in May Orville asked me to marry him and we got pregnant. And then in August 2010 we got married! Life had never been better. We had our 2nd baby, Parker in January and our family was complete.
I never thought that I would feel this type of happiness. This type of Joy. This type of LOVE. God has worked through my entire life to bring me to this point. Through all of my crazy hard times, God was making good in my life. He had people plant the seeds and He had people watering those seeds. I have bloomed into a wonderful Christian woman. God has put me through many rough spots, and I felt like I was never going to catch a break. But I was wrong… so so wrong! God has this whole thing planned from beginning to end.
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. NIV84
My life is a pure example of Romans 8:18. All of my sufferings weren't worth comparing to the glory that God revealed in me and continues to reveal in me! God has made my life completely different than it was before. And I am so grateful for that! Through constant prayers from people that loved me, and God's gracious heart, I was saved!
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. NIV84
So, if you find yourself wondering,
Why me? or
Am I ever going to be happy? Just look to God, and have hope! Have hope that tomorrow will be better, and that all of this is just a part of God's plan. Look at my life story… for years I wondered WHY… but we don't need to know why, we just need to trust that God's plan will be revealed with time!
God bless you!